Mowing the Lawn with the FedEx Man

SO guess what I did Friday in an attempt to surprise my hubby when he got home? Bought sexy lingerie? No. Cooked a pot roast all day and bought a case of his favorite beer? Nope. Cleaned the entire house, even the nastiest crannies of the toilets? Nuh-uh. Actually dried the last load I left in the washer? Nada.
I mowed the lawn. I put Beck down after we took a walk and had gotten it into my head I could get more exercise and help my husband at the same time. Since we'd been gone and it rained the entire time, our lawn was mega-long. So I hadn't mowed a lawn in ten years (I used to - having been married to a musician - self-absorbed musicians don't take out trash and mow lawns...) anyway, it's a push-mower. I get it out there on the damp tall grass and, as I'm struggling on the incline, thinking a bunch a grass is stuck in the wheel and about to turn the thing over, the FedEx man comes to my rescue. He basically gives me lawn mower 101 in 30 minutes. I say I hate to bother him, but he says it's his lunch hour, no big deal. He's seriously a genuinely nice guy. He warned me on how to not cut my arm off, how to use the little lever that makes it push itself, all kinds of useful info. I gave him a bottle of water; it's all I could come up with quickly on the fly. After all, it's hot out. Water is good.
Anyway, Chris gets home, hits the shower, and says nothing. I walk into the bathroom and say, "Did you notice anything when you pulled up?" "Huh? Whadda ya mean?" "Out front?" I gesture. He peeks out the window, and discovered my iffy job. "You did that?" I told him yeah, with the help of the FedEx guy. "Was he hot?" was my shallow husband's response. Did I tell him the dude was 50+, gangly, kinda geeky? Hell no.
"Oh yeah, was he hot."

Travel journal entry later today...
~R

Journal Day 2

Hey -I don't have much to say again since I've been writing and sending submissions, so here's some more of my fascinating travel journal:

Day 2 - Friday

Got back on the road early; stopped in Amarillo at a grungy gas station for ice. Only intrigung thing about Amarillo is the bright yellow gigantuous building housing the gigantuous steak, of which I've always been fascinated. I've passed by it a gazillion times and always had the urge to attempt to eat that much red meat. After all, it would be free.

Stopped for lunch in West Texas, probly the only people at the rest stop eating carrots with hummus... At Gallup, NM stopped to dine at a little Mexican joint. I had the strongest maragrita known to man. Almost feel like I was drugged a bit...I wanted to stop for wine again...(never got anything but miller high life)...and found a little liquor store complete with armed guard at door, and discovered they have Yellow Tail for $5.99! At home it's almost $8! Guess it has less to travel. Got a good ole Blackstone cab. Found a Super 8 in Flagstaff, walked into the wrong room, which happened to be ajar, since Chris got wrong number...drank some vino, straight to bed. Beck is getting used to the playpen. Tomorrow we should make it to San Fran.


(Dont worry, it gets more exciting)
~R

I'm All Wrote Out

I've been writing non-stop since we got home (and yes, we made it home without killing each other or running the Landcruiser off the rode, hitting a deer, etc....), because the trip inspired me to give travel writing a go- so I'm working on three different story angles and submitting them locally and nationally. My eyes hurt. I'm obsessed with getting them out in a timely fashion. Wish me luck.

But, yes, we are home, safe and sound, after two grueling days of driving and staying overnight only once in another crappy motel that costs $100, and glad to be, sort of. Still with visions of Cali dancing in our heads. Oh, how I wish I could jump on the beach cruiser, hook up the kids and hit the bike path in the morning, stopping by Groundworks for a coffee. But I plan on doing that here, after Chris finds me a bike for the buggy he acquired somehow. This town's a bit hilly, but we'll see how it goes.

I have a new attitude; a Cali attitude, which I attribute to the weather there; everyone (except, obviously, the bums, but even some of them) just seems happy. Waiters, strangers in the store, even auto mechanics - all so freaking nice. Now, even when people throw an attitude - or apathetic one - at me, I just laugh to myself. Sometimes I think people in certain parts of the country are unfriendly as an effort to just be "cool" or something. Whatever; the Cali peeps are just freaking awesome. At least the ones I encountered. I love 'em!

So I think my journal from the trip is slightly amusing, I guess I'll just post it daily, here is my first entry:

Day One
We've made it to somewhere in Oklahoma, and are in a fairly decent Comfort Inn, that we paid way too much for. Remember back in the day, when a regular hotel room cost about $40?

On the way, in classic Beck form, he pooped a few hours after we got on the road. Unbeknownst to me when I decided he needed a diaper change. I climbed in back, attempting to change him by unbuckling his lower straps and sliding the diaper out, only to find, of course, poop. Poop shouild be Beck's middle name. So, Supa Mommy that I am, I was able to wipe and re-dipe him standing up! Yes, he was totally unbuckled for half a minute and I should be arrested. Stopped in Ok City to eat (at a Brewery), and after ward, knowing that throughout the rest of Oklahoma and probably Texas I could find no wine but Boone's Farm I had Chris find a liquor store that closed the doors practically in my face as I walked up. So we settled on a sixer of Miller High Life from a convenience store ( no, no drinking and driving; it was just me til we got to a hotel). And only an almost-argument at this point has occurred. That damned ancient portable dvd player.

The kids are on the bed being rambunctious with us, iIm getting zur-burts from Beckham, and I am all stanked out; must shower.

Onward! Destination: Flagstaff!

~R

So Long, Venice...I'll be Back

This will be our last night in Venice Beach. We've biked every day, with the kids behind in a buggy, to almost every place we wanted to check out. Used the car once.!

But five days just isn't long enough. I've been keeping a travel journal, scribbling in a little notebook, trying to find a way to share that witchall when I get back via blog. It's getting long. Believe me, a family road trip was an interesting and risky endeavor, not only because of gas prices but just the fact you're locked in the car with them for 2+ days straight (at least where we came from). It's been 25% insane and 75% awesome... I'll refigure that after the ride home!

We've been into Santa Monica alot and yesterday West Hollywood. I'm surprised the only celeb we saw has been Don Cheadle riding his bike past us on the bike path! That was cool. CHris looked back at me like "who was that???" and I was like "That's muhter effin' Don Cheadle!"

Gotsta go for now...about to hop on the bikes again this morning before breakfast and explore the southern part of Venice. But not before a cup of the best coffee I've ever had - from Groundworks here in Venice. Liquid crack. About to cry thinking it's just one more day here, must pack it full.

So, if I still have any readers, in a few days, after another ...interesting.. ride back to the muggy bug-laden landlocked place we call home, I'll share the details of this unexpectedly awesome journey.

Oh, and by the way: SUV for sale. 1997 pimped out Toyota Landcruiser, $12,500.

California Dreamin',
~R

I'm still here bitches!

Glad to know someone's missed me, got a few emails. First time I've been on my laptop in four days tonight, here in Venice Beach. I am in my element. This is fucking fantabulous. More on that later. Yes, this is a family vacation but not your average one.. We're just too unconventional...I'm writing a whole thing on our Family Road Trippin'.. back later...Kids are asleep and Chris and I are about to shoot some Hornitos...
California knows how to party
~R

How Zyrtec Runied My Life (Ok, I mean my day, but it still really sucked)

So instead instead of coming off like I'm playing the "Mommy Martyr Card" (thanks, Kemmy:)), I won't go into why I haven't had time to post lately. In case you noticed, that is.
Here's my attack on Big Pharma, and should I go missing or found tied to a brick in the lake, you'll know who to blame.
One day last week, after a full day of sneezing like a mad woman, I woke up the next day doing it again and caved in to the Zyrtec looming in my cabinet. BAD, bad mistake. I had taken it after my second allergy attack (and I do mean attack) last month, and all I got that time was the munchies. I mean seriously, like Mary Jane munchies. I knew I couldn't take the shit, as I would gain back all the weight I've been trying to lose for four years. This time, after two hours, I was out. Put Beck to sleep, turned on a movie for Izzy and slept for two hours. Tried some activities with the kids, like laying on the floor and letting them jump on me, and then, again, out for two hours. Chris got home to find me dazed and confused, in a horrid mood, and gave me a couple beers to lift my spirits. And, she's out by 8 PM, O.U.T. It was seriously uncontrollable. I thought it was "non-drowsy?" Whatever, I've never had luck with OTC drugs, but this totally sucked ass. I felt on the verge of mania. I'm not kidding. Kindof like during my 9th month of pregnancy when the Dr. told me I could take cough syrup with codeine while pregnant. I was so desperate to stop, and sleep, I did it, one dose. I basically hallucinated. My mom came to help with Izzy and watched me sleep, and awaken mumbling bizarre nonsense. To do this may be fun for some, but to be pregnant and do this is absolutely terrifying. It's a freaking miracle Beck isn't some little crack baby from it. Think I'll go back to the crazy homeopathics and herbs. They may not be fast, but, well, I don't trust those muther-effers making the drugs they're pushing these days, to consumers instead of doctors. But they outlawed cigarette advertising. ( i hate cigarrettes but does this make sense?).

On a more positive note, my kid made me laugh this weekend. She makes me laugh daily(you should hear her British accent), but this was a funny in public stunt. We met some friends with one kid for brunch at a sortof nice place, with white table cloths, but kid friendly enough they let the kids color on the paper covering them, and any time we've been there are numerous kids, generally well-behaved. If one walked in off the street, unfamiliar with the joint, they may assume by the appearance and the quietness that it's a snobby establishment. As possibly did this woman who walked into the room we were in that was catering to three families with five total children. This woman had hair down to her knees like Crystal Gayle, 80s jeans and a bitch look on her face. I don't know where she rode in from, but the girl either came from a time capsule, thought she was high-falootin' or was just in complete dismay that something other than Denny's exists for breakfast on Sunday. She made a point to shoot looks at all of us, eyes bugging out, like a deer in headlights. The bearded, ballcapped man with her must have been either in agony or oblivious, as most men are. But my friend and I kept receiving the stares and looks, and seeing the raised eyebrows and eyes buggin out. Oh, what I wouldn't give to know what this throwback from Hee-Haw was thinking, but I'll never know. She must have been so uncomfortable to be offended by people so comfortable as ourselves, all in our tanks tops, dirty hair and sunglasses on our heads. Laughing at our cute babies. Is she thinking we're pagans, as we obviously haven't made our church stop this morning? What IS she thinking? I've always been quite the student of human nature.
The punch, to top it all off, we all fell out (with pleasure) when Izzy yelled out, "Mommy! I have to go potty! I have to go POOH POOH!." You shoulda seen Crystal's face. Ahhhh, the icing on the cake. Sometimes kids know just what to do to make a moment memorable.
Mean Girls dot com
~R